


Falling

by Wishopenastar



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Defeated feeling, Draco Malfoy - Freeform, F/M, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Ramblings, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-25
Updated: 2018-09-26
Packaged: 2019-07-01 22:25:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15783336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wishopenastar/pseuds/Wishopenastar
Summary: I suck at summaries. Basically Draco is depressed in the eight year and makes incomplete suicide attempts. Pansy enlists Harry’s help to stop him and maybe make him see that everything that happened was not his fault.





	1. Ramblings

**Author's Note:**

> I have this habit of rambling when I am upset or depressed about something and this chapters part one is basically those ramblings with a much darker turn.  
> Please let me know what you think. I am new to writing fan fiction and it would mean a lot to me. Also I don’t have a beta and I mostly read American English so please excuse any disparities.

Giving up had never looked easier to Draco than it did that evening on the Astronomy Tower. He had thought about it for sure but never had he wanted to so desperately. In the sixth year he had his mother to hold him back, the thought of her being tortured by The Dark Lord for Draco’s weakness always kept him back. But now his mother was safe in France. He had no one else to live for the world hated him. Fuck. Even the boy he loved had no feelings for him. What had he thought the Great Saviour of the wizarding world would speak for him and he would be redeemed in the worlds eyes? He would pretend to not recognise Harry once and  he would undo all the damage? He would be Redeemed in the eyes of the people whose families his actions had hurt whose lives he had destroyed by his cowardice ?

That first year was right, he didn’t deserve to be. He didn’t deserve Harry's mercy. He had so many opportunities, so many fucking chances and he didn’t take a single one of them.It would be a favour to the world to die, finally do something right. 

The wind was in his face. He was so high..so high up...it would just take one step up the ledge and then letting go...he’d fall then like Dumbledore had. Down...down....down and he was so high, so high. What difference would falling make? He had already fallen. His nightmares were about falling. 

Just step off the railing already!Then he’d go down. He’d die like the great hero.  ‘Stop thinking Draco. Just do it.’ he told himself. He was thinking to stop thinking. Thinking to stop thinking.. it sounded ridiculous. He was getting nauseous. No. He was getting nauseated. He was always nauseous. People always got sick of him.

His mind was rambling. He wanted it to stop. Stop forever.


	2. Chapter 2

Pansy was scared shitless for Draco. This was only his first incomplete suicide attempt but God knows what would have happened if she hadn’t been stalking him. He was the only person she had left. Yes he loved her, but that bond was obviously not strong enough to keep him away from his slump. She had to do something get him off the idea of suicide make him feel less threatened, less afraid and while she was at it she had to follow him everywhere. She needed help. Who was enough of a hero to have the strength to forgive?

****************

Pansy caught Harry and his friends right outside the Charms corridor. It was easy to catch up to him and his friends these days. They were always surrounded by adoring fans who made Pansy want to gag. Maybe they made Potter want to gag too.  
“Potter! I want to talk to you.”  
Hermione’s nose wrinkled when she saw Pansy. Pansy pretended that it didn’t hurt but it did. When your sexual awakening looks at you like you are a grub, it always hurts. Pansy might be reading a tad bit too much into it though.  
“What is it Parkinson?” Harry asked?  
“Can we go somewhere more private?”  
Harry looked at his friends they both looked very curious. He had some sort of eye contact conversation with them and then he set off towards the ladders he looked back once to see if she was following him and continued.  
As soon as they entered the Room of Requirement he asked, “Is it Draco?”  
***************  
When Pansy came to him with that desperate expression on her face Harry’s thoughts immediately went to Draco. He was worried about the boy. He wasn’t looking or eating well and his face had become even paler than usual. He was also developing a habit of being alone. If Pansy weren’t following him Harry would have done it himself.  
“He tried to kill himself”  
“Where is he right now? What can I do to help him?” he asked.  
Harry wouldn’t let another person he loved be taken away from him by this war. Not Draco. Especially not Draco. There already had been too much blood shed, too many deaths. They were working towards a new world without these but if people like Draco stopped believing in second chances then their new world was already collapsed.


	3. Can I sleep with him?

Harry was afraid. Pansy had been sure that he would at least help but the look on his face said that he would do much, much more than 'at least'. it was the same look that she had in her eyes. When he asked what he could do Pansy had her speech prepared,"We need to show him that the war, all those deaths weren't his fault. He has got so much guilt in him that it hurts to even look at him. He knows that he was forced to do all that he did but he won't accept it. You have to make him believe in all that you defended him in the trial with." She took a deep breath here comes the difficult part, she knew Draco would hate her for this but she had to do it... "We can't leave him alone for a single second. I've been following him everywhere I can, but I think you'll be able to do it better with your map and with your exceptional stalking Draco skills." 

"Who does he sleep with?"

Huh, how on earth does he know? Pansy thought until she realized he was asking her about Draco's dormitories. After the war very few people could bear to come back. Those who did had nightmares, terrors.. McGonagall had let the people who could comfort each other sleep in dorms of two each without any regard for the houses. It wasn't coed though(Pansy thought it was complete bull. She should be able to sleep with Draco but McGonagall disagreed).   
Harry had a private room as his roommate some Hupplepuff had gotten too scared of all the memories of the torture he faced in the school to go on any longer. 

"He is sleeping alone. He used to sleep with Boot but then fucking Boot got tired of Draco's screams and asked to switch rooms."

"Would he be okay with me sleeping with him?" 

Pansy should have seen this coming. "Ask him. Would you be truly you okay with it? He really has horrible nightmares."

"Parkinson, I can't believe that you are really asking me this. I know what it is like to have nightmares. Trust me. I won't ever be not okay with anyone about something they can't control."

"Ah, yes, you would be an expert in the field of nightmares." Pansy really had to control her tongue before she got herself killed.

"Yeah. So we're doing this. I'll ask McGonagall about it, you ask Draco."

He was chickening out of doing the asking. Damn it. Wasn't he supposed to be the Brave One?

"Fine."


	4. China doll?

Draco was so far away from everything that others cared about these days. He couldn’t bring himself to join them. He remembered three days ago... Pansy catching him before he let go. Screaming at him. Hitting him. Cursing and swearing. Saying, "You’re supposed to fucking TALK Draco. I want to be there for you, help you through this, how can I do that when you don’t tell me what’s going on though?” She didn’t understand. No one did. And it would be futile to try to make them. ”Don’t you dare give up like that. Don’t you dare.” She had said. But Draco wasn’t trying to give up. He was giving in. Giving in to all the hatred around him. It is only so many times that you can kick a fallen man and tell him deserves it before he starts to believe you. He thought again of the boy who drove him over the edge, he was crying too, crying for his brother. The boy had hurtled abuse at him in his anger. There used to be a time when Draco defended himself. But that ended as soon as he realised that he deserved all of it. 

**************************

They were sitting on the shores of the Great Lake. Draco leaning against a tree Pansy in his lap,feeding their breakfast toast to the Squid. Pansy had wanted to broach the subject of her conversation with Harry today, but she was stalling. Draco was staring off into space his face towards a bunch of first years playing with a ball, he was thinking too hard about something, she saw tears building in his eyes. He had become a master in hiding his tears in the last few years but Pansy had the advantage of knowing him at his weakest.

“Hey.. Draco, stop. Whatever you’re thinking about, stop thinking that.” 

She sat up and reversed their positions so that he was in her lap instead and started stroking his hair in a feeble imitation of Narcissa. The familiar touch must have got to the already upset boy because his tears started rolling down. 

Pansy calmed him down, rubbing his back. As soon as she thought he was well enough she asked, “So You-Know-Potter?” 

He smiled a bit at their joke, “Who doesn’t?”

“So I was thinking, he sleeps alone and so do you--”

“If you are planning to ask him to room with me then don’t. He won’t do it and neither will I.”

“I’ve already got him to agree, he didn’t even argue”

“What did you say, Pansy?”

“I.. uh-” 

“He knows what I tried doesn’t he?”

“Yeah”

"What was the need to meddle? I am doing fine. Perfectly fine and I don’t need either yours or Potter’s help. Stop treating me like I am a China doll or something.”

Did he actually hear the irony in his own words? If he was anything it was not fine. No one would be fine after everything that happened to him. And the fact that he refused to admit it, made it even more obvious that he needed help. He always withdrew into himself when he was troubled, sixth year showed that.

"Draco you are fragile, you’re teetering on the edge of complete breakdown. Stop pretending. You do need help. All the help that you can get and if Potter is an option I will go to him too."

Draco didn't grace her with a response and walked off. His head deceptively high.

She knew that Draco was going to sulk about this for quite a few days but in the end it was for his own good.

Or Pansy hoped so.


End file.
